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When Loving Yourself Is Necessary
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When Loving Yourself Is Necessary
Bryan Garlock
"And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?' And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets'" (Matthew 22.35-40 ESV).
Love is the culmination of everything God has accomplished since the beginning of time. When we acknowledge that God has poured out His love on us we truly cannot express the intricacies involved in the demonstration of God's love nor in the statement "God is love" (1 John 4.8). It is beyond unfathomable!
God's love, culminated at the cross, was meant to woo us back to Him. Therefore, John wrote, "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4.19). Like God, everything the Christian does or says is to be predicated upon love of the Father and love for his neighbor (1 John 4.7, 11). This love will manifest itself in obedience to God and servitude to one's neighbor, including avoidance of any harm (see Rom. 12; 13.8-10).
As Jesus put it in Matthew 22, "On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets," consider for a moment that every sin a person commits is either against God or against His neighbor. Obviously, all sin is against God, but not all sin is against one's neighbor. Since obeying God (all the law and prophets) is an extension of either loving God or loving one's fellow man, to disregard either is to hate both. The Christian who does not love his brother is a "liar" and cannot love God (1 John 4.20-21; 5.1-2). Additionally, one who loves the brethren will love his neighbor.
Loving our neighbor is of the upmost importance. Paul wrote, "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, 'You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,' and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law" (Rom. 13.8-10). When we do not love our neighbor our soul as well as theirs is at stake. Instead of seeking to bring them to Christ, we could potentially cause them to lose their salvation due to our hatred.
While we often spend ample time teaching the dual truths of loving God and man as described above, it should be noted that there is one other aspect Jesus drives home that may be often overlooked by some. Reader, have you ever noticed that Jesus commands us to "love your neighbor as yourself"? It is with these words that Jesus plainly says that we are to love ourselves. Though this may sound like an oxymoron since our concept of loving self is foreign to Scripture, let us examine what a healthy love for self looks like.
First, unfortunately, some hate themselves. They despise their very existence and therefore contemplate or even commit suicide. Others abuse themselves by using drugs and other harmful substances that can either kill them or cause life-long physical and mental damage. This is not love; this is self-loathing. This person cannot love his neighbor as himself, let alone love God.
Next, others have a misguided love for themselves. One who is driven by an ungodly pride will love themselves so much that he will look down on others while exalting himself (Rom. 12.3, 16; Prov. 27.2, etc.). He will not be humble, he will not put others' interest before his, and he will seek to use others to gratify whatever desires he may have. These people do not have a godly and accurate view of themselves; in fact, they are deceived by their misconstrued self-worth (cf. Gal. 6.3). Those who are "lovers of self" will not truly love others (2 Tim. 3.1-2).
How, then, are we to love ourselves? Concerning the marriage relationship, Paul wrote, "...husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church..." (Eph. 5.28-29). While contextually the passage is about Christ's relationship to the church described within the teaching about godly spouses, notice that the husband is to love his wife as he loves himself. This demonstrates that one who loves himself does so by cherishing and nourishing his body. Interestingly, Paul claims that no one ever hated his own flesh. This must be taken generally because apart from those who do hate their own flesh, everyone seeks to cherish and nourish his body.
Next, we must have an accurate view of ourselves. When we see ourselves as God sees us, then we can be better equipped to not mistreat our neighbor. God sees us as sinners in need of His grace, and if we obey Him, then as beloved children. If we see our neighbors as sinners in need of God's grace, then our love will force us to do everything within our ability to convert them to Christ. It is no longer a matter of satisfying or exalting self; it is all about saving lost souls. Regarding our brethren whom we are to love, we will encourage them, treat them properly as brothers and sisters, and even rebuke them of their sins if necessary. However, we will never treat others properly until we understand how we once treated God and the compassion, long-suffering, mercy, and forgiveness He has so willingly shown us.
Furthermore, we must take heed to ourselves. Unfortunately, we tend to take care of ourselves physically, but not spiritually. Consider the following questions: “Do we love ourselves enough to be concerned about our own soul?” (Matt. 16.26) “Do we examine ourselves to make sure we are in the faith?” (2 Cor. 13.5) “Do we love ourselves enough to seek to improve ourselves when we are found to be in sin or needing to grow in faith?” “Do we love ourselves enough to keep a close watch on ourselves so as not to fall into temptation?” (1 Tim. 4.16). If one does not love himself, he will not love his soul, and therefore will not seek to obey God nor improve his spiritual life. By extension, if loving others involves teaching them the gospel, then loving myself involves my obedience to the gospel (cf. Acts 2.40; Phil. 2.12).
Finally, we must love ourselves because God loves us. To this writer, it makes no sense to not have a godly respect for self, especially if our Creator respects us. First, we were created in the image of God and found to be His most treasured creation (Gen. 1.27), and second, He gives us life and every good gift and fully blesses us (Matt. 6.25-34; Acts 17.25; 1 Tim. 6.13; James 1.17, etc.). This raises the question, "Would God have given His Son for those who have no value?" And even more interestingly, "If God loves and values us, ought we not to love and value ourselves?"
It is not until we love God because He first loved us that we will love ourselves in a godly and healthy manner. Only then will we love others. Do we love ourselves? BG
